Starting out...

I decided to turn in a new page of my life. After all, there seems to be no sense in going back and trying to fix things. I finally thought that I had to give it up and try on new, better things. Good luck on that.

As for now, I'm in the midst of shielding myself from the heavy torrent... I mean, big tears that are threatening to fall. I'm still hoping for that silver lining in those clouds. Someone told me, dili daw obvious na heartbroken kuh... How true is that? Tell me guys!

I still have my life and that's one thing that I'm so much thankful for at this moment. Probably, I'll start with myself first. I had neglected so many beautiful things during my self-pity moments... I'm recovering though. Please pray for me.

So right now, I have so many things to be thankful for...
.my sense and sensibility [which is trying to put sense back into me...]
.my batchmates [u make me laugh a lot guys!]
.kyrlscheint [can't think how my life would be without u]
.Jun Pyo [my only living pup]
.mama [ur letting me live...at least!]
.dawlin' [i hope u keep comin' to the house so i won't forget to eat...]
.SA [thanks for the prayers and the huggy moments]
.clarkie and jez [for saying yes and singing wit me]
.orval and manoi [for plainly annoying me]
.langga khyle [i'm glad ur still wit me]
.my all-time favoe bag!!! [dunno wat i can do without u...]

And here are my last sentiments for the time-being...
-mam karel - come home...
-isah - i'm praying for ya'
-Nitch - get well soon...
-vange - thanks for stayin' by...
-gab - ur always here for me. luv dat!
-jaide - take care of your life. it's the only one u have...

And to think!

I've been waiting for this time to post something in this blog. Well, I've been through a few thinking moments lately and I'm now officially announcing my plans for this 2nd semester 2008-2009:

*be active with the Southern Ambassadors
*join the 1st reunion of PC Officers
*go to kapatagan this december
*organize the trip to GenSan with the gang
*sleepover
*peer counselors active membership
*go to Davao on February with mikee

--that's all. Wish me luck!

Is this a break-up?

It just went away. I felt all alone as I'm trying to think of reasons why i couldn't reach him. Was his phone lost? stolen? Was his battery low? Why was he out of reach?! I started calling him since 10pm last night but I just couldn't reach him. I'm beginning to freak out. What if I'd never reach him again? DAMN! Why can't he see how much I need him right now? I wished i should just have dosed much on pills to make him worry for me. I wasn't turning cold! I was just letting him enjoy his friends' company. How I wish he'd care enough to leave me a comment on this.

I wish this isn't giving up. I've waited long enough to make this work. I'm not throwing it away just because they don't like him. Damn! Damn! Damn! I hope he realizes how much this means to me. I can't just give this up! Why can't he see that I need him more than anything else? Why would he try to end this?! He has to answer my call tonight if he doesn't want me dead. I'm so tired of this break-up stuff. I will grow up. He'll see!

Pressure

This was a hard month I should say. I got crammed up with lesson plans, take over classes, teachers with favoritism, stupid bulldog and oink2 talking english speakers and a new relationship status. I show the world that I'm happy but I guess, It's just with the face.

I probably am thinking too much. Well, most of us in the class does. We have to endure tuesday and thursday mornings with a pig. I had to endure SA practices at night.I have to smile whenever I see people smile back. I'm tired. I just went through a seminar, an english class, a public speaking class and a heartbreak. Now I'm thinking what to do next. I wish I'dstop and tell them that I want to get this over with. That I know I really don't like what I'm doing. Maybe,I just want rest. I need it.

Love

LOVE

When she walks away from you mad

[ Follow her ]

When she stares at your mouth

[ smile...then kiss her ]

When she pushes you or hit's you

[ hug her tight ]

When she starts cursing at you

[ say i love you ]

When she's quiet

[ hold her hand and ask what's wrong ]

When she ignores you

[ act cute so she'll notice you ]

if she dont call you

[ Its because she's waiting for you to call her ]

When she pulls away

[ Pull her back ]

When you see her at her worst

[ tell her you love her and she still looks amazing ]

When you see her start crying

[hold her...ask her what's wrong]

When you see her walking

[ approach her..give a kiss on the cheek. ]

When she's scared

[assure her you're not goin to leave her ]

When she lays her head on your shoulder

[ tilt your head too..and hold her hand ]

When she steals your favorite hat

[ let her keep it]

When she teases you

[ Tease her back and make her laugh ]

When she doesnt answer for a long time

[ reassure her that everything is okay ]

When she looks at you with doubt

[ Back yourself up ]

When she says that she likes you

[ she really does more than you could understand ]

When she grabs at your hands

[ Hold hers and play with her fingers ]

When she bumps into you

[ bump into her back and make her laugh ]

When she tells you a secret

[ keep it safe and untold ]

When she looks at you in your eyes

[ dont look away until she does ]

When she misses you

[ she's hurting inside ]

When you break her heart

[ the pain never really goes away ]

When she says its over

[ she still wants you to be hers ]

When she repost this bulletin

[ she wants you to read it ]

- Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.

- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go

- When she says she's ok dont believe it, talk with her

- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you:

- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her

- Call her before you sleep and after you wake up

- Treat her like she's all that matters to you.

- Tease her and let her tease you back.

- Stay up all night with her when she's sick.

- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.

- Give her the world.

- Let her wear your clothes.

- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.

- Let her know she's important.

- Kiss her in the pouring rain.

Peer Counseling

Fortunately for me, I'd be in Phase II this weekend for Peer Counseling. I'm happy Id be able to take a break for being too busy but I'm sure I'm sleeping late tonight. There are a lot to be done for tomorrow that's why I have to let go of some things for a while.

Anyway, this weekend would serve as a refresher. No cellphones in this case...

I hope I'd get the better of this. I need a rest anyway.

Our first Anniversary

A few days now, we'd be celebrating one happy year together. It quite hurts that we can't see each other til 5 years after, but somehow, it may be worth the wait.

I've been with him for quite a time now & somehow, despite of my wrongs, he's still there. I'm thankful for him. I hope he is for me, too. It's a relationship worth the tears anyway.

My wish:

I hope we'd get better & stop doing foolish things to each other. I love him. That's why everything matters.